Building, But Burning Out: The Cost of Doing It All and Why Rest Has to Be Non-Negotiable

Recently, I came across a heartbreaking story that stopped me in my tracks — a young, gifted Black female chef, loved by many, died suddenly. She’d been pushing hard, building her dream, serving her community, chasing excellence, and doing it all with grace and hustle. And then she posted on her social media the need for rest. When she finally prepared to take it, it was an eternal one.

The story has been circulating on social media, and while the internet doesn’t always tell the full truth, this one hurt. Because so many of us see ourselves in her. We’re building something beautiful — businesses, careers, families, legacies. But too often, we’re also burning out — in silence, in survival mode, and sometimes, in service to everyone but ourselves.

So today, I want to talk honestly about the very real risk of burnout, especially for high-achieving Black women and visionaries who are trying to do it all — and the sacred necessity of rest while building.

The Weight We Carry

As a trauma-informed therapist and mental health coach, I work with brilliant, purpose-driven women who are exhausted. Women who are "strong," “called,” “capable,” “creative” — but barely holding it together behind the scenes.

Somewhere along the way, we learned:

• If we rest, we’re lazy.

• If we slow down, we’ll lose momentum.

• If we don’t do it, no one else will.

  
  

But that belief system isn’t just unsustainable — it’s dangerous. Burnout is not just about being tired. It's a full-body, full-soul depletion that can lead to serious mental and physical consequences. Chronic stress has been linked to heart disease, autoimmune conditions, anxiety, depression, and premature death.

And let’s be clear: for Black women in particular, this isn’t just personal — it’s historical. We’ve inherited a legacy of overwork and self-neglect. We’ve been taught to be the backbone, the fixer, the strong one. But strength without support will break you.

Building Without Burning: It Is Possible

We need to stop romanticizing “grind culture” and start normalizing grace culture — one where building a legacy doesn’t require breaking your body. One where success includes sustainability. One where you can be a boss and take a break.

So how do you even start?

1. Give yourself permission to pause. 

   You don’t have to earn rest. It’s not a reward — it’s a requirement. Take a nap. Take a walk. Take a weekend off. Rest is not a threat to your vision — it’s what fuels your capacity to sustain it.

   
   

   "Even God rested on the seventh day. Why don’t we think we can?"

2. Take a moment and identify your capacity (and really honor it).

   Your capacity isn’t fixed — it fluctuates. What you could handle last year may feel heavier now. That’s okay. Instead of pushing past your limits, try listening to them.

   
   

   Ask yourself:

   • What’s one thing I can take off my plate this week?

   • What part of my routine is draining me the most?

   • What would it look like to let myself do less?

   
   

3. Start replacing ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) with PETs (Positive Empowering Truths).

   Burnout is often fueled by toxic self-talk:

   • “I can’t stop now.”

   • “I should be further ahead.”

   • “If I rest, I’ll fall behind.”

   
   

   Let’s reframe that negative thinking into:

   • “Rest is productive.”

   • “I deserve to feel well, not just do well.”

   • “My body and mind are not machines — they’re sacred.”

   
   

You’re not lazy. You’re just not meant to live in overdrive.

4. Focus on controlling what you can and release what you can’t.

Much of our burnout comes from trying to micromanage the uncontrollable. Take a moment to separate the two:

✔️ You can control your boundaries, your calendar, your sleep schedule, your response.

❌ You can’t control other people’s expectations, the pace of success, or the opinions of outsiders.

Shift your focus to what’s in your hands — and release the rest.

5. Protect Your Gates!

I cannot say this one enough! Not everything or everyone deserves access to your mind, time, or energy. Curate your input with care.

🛑 Unfollow accounts that glorify grind culture or make you feel behind.

🛑 Step back from conversations rooted in comparison, negativity, or pressure.

✅ Create space for inspiration, faith, joy, and restoration.

✅ Pour into yourself with prayer, music, movement, nature, or journaling.

This is your reminder...a clarion call!

Your body is sacred.Your rest is holy. Your life is not a project to finish — it’s a gift to live. We cannot continue to build beautiful things at the cost of our bodies, minds, and peace. We don’t have to. Let’s build wisely. Let’s rest deeply. Let’s stop waiting until burnout takes everything from us to finally slow down.

If you’re tired, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re in a season where your body is whispering “enough...”

If you’re building but struggling to breathe...

If you feel like you’re one expectation away from snapping —

I’m here to help you heal and hold space for your purpose. Let’s walk through this season with care and intention. Click here to book a session or learn more.

Your vision and your purpose matter — but so do you. And being here to see them come to pass is the greatest reward!